It's hard sometimes to really know someone, isn't it? We have all these filters and belief systems and just plain prejudices. We shut down conversations before they start. All those rules of engagement. Dishonesty. Feelings hurt. When all we want is to listen to others and then be heard, too. So, sometimes we just need to be still and listen. Sometimes.
When we meet someone, we instantly make a judgment. Usually we decide if she is the same or different as ourselves. We decide if she's dressed appropriately, or if she cares about her appearance. If she's this label or that.
I (personally) think about if she is hiding something about herself, or if she's even being truthful in the way she presents herself to me. Some people dress in a way that just invites you to say hello or would you like to get a cuppa coffee? And sometimes I am just wrong about someone. (But not often.)Sometimes I'm intuitive and sometimes I can read the child within. Sometimes.
But usually my approach has always been to just accept you as you are in those first moments, first step--and then I make judgments later. I don't go into it thinking about rejecting you until I've gotten to know you! LOL. Like for example, not knowing someone, but the first thing she points out are her Christian Louboutin shoes. Should I admire them and delight with her? Or think, "Well, big whoo-hoo!" (I choose to delight with her.)
And so, I naively think that they'll react the same way when I present myself to someone--that this person will just accept me as I am. But I've been wrong about that, too. Many times I've heard (over and over) that, "I thought you were stuck up! You're not. You're such a nice person!" or "I thought you would be arrogant. You're not. You are so funny!" and on and on…. So, in my quiet way, I've put up walls I didn't know I had.
So, with that in mind, I started a journey to really show who I am by my appearance--to get past those first time judgments. I quit wearing so much black and standing back in crowds waiting for everyone to approach me. I now try to be more casual in appearance and friendly ("Smile, Cris!" is what Pom Pon HS coach said to me over and over…oh, yeah! Beam on!) I make the first move by introducing myself, even though it's out of my comfort zone.
Because all those times I stood back and fretted about how to approach people or how to not be awkward really didn't accomplish much except to get me the labels:
"Quiet."
"Who?"
"Stuck up!"
"Thinks she's smarter and better than us."
"Nice, but so quiet."
So, going out of my own shoes and trying to walk around yours, I might learn more about myself and maybe even like getting to know you (and your Athlete's Foot…oh, wait…another topic.) I may not have said too much or expressed what I felt about a topic, but I would know how you felt.
Still, they may never know how it makes me feel to never express my own passions and I'm still not part of the conversation. And that's the point of having relationships--conversing--isn't it? Having an exchange. Of what? Because I was so quiet, I had a friend who used to say to me, "we need to go to Kmart and get you a backbone!" And then she made me buy red lipstick.
I quietly went back to wearing gloss, but for a moment I almost believed that this was what I should be--a woman who wore really red lipstick. I wanted that. Because frankly, I DID have an iron backbone and could out-stubborn and dig my heels deeper than anyone we knew. But no one saw that.
Should I wear it on a tee shirt so that they know? I know a lot of quieter people seem to get tattoos of what is important to them. Or wear the tee shirt. Or wear steampunk jewelry or leather pants. (Skip the leather pants, Crystal!) LOL.
Somehow I'm going to find what makes me look more pulled together, relaxed, friendly, and puhlease, not stuck up! but maybe instead they'll think, "She's fun and so charming, I want to know her better!" But do I want others to really know me? Jury is out on that one.
So, how do you dress to show who you are? How do you convey how you think and operate? Do you wear certain colors, styles? Tell me.
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